SMELLY TROTTERS - THE JOY OF STINKY MIDLIFE FEET!
You know those adverts where the girl slowly rubs an oily moisturising mix into her already perfectly manicured feet whilst sensually oooing and ahhhing ? ... well my advert would involve a bottle of Sarsons Malt Vinegar and few swear words!
For some reason when I reached 55 my lovely pristine feet turned into things resembling dragons talons that had been bathed in fermented rotten vegetables! ….which is nice!
They say that feet need to breath, well mine were huffing and puffing a foul stench like they had been on a long distance marathon!
The Smelly Truth About Foot Whiff : How to Win the War on Stink
Smelly feet, either nasaly offensive, or funny and you can’t stop rubbing them and smelling your fingers! Who knew the humble hoof could be so much sweaty fun.
Why Do My Feet Smell Like a Cheese Pumping Station? You can blame your overactive sweat glands. Our feet have more sweat glands per square centimeter than any other part of our body, which means they can pump out sweat faster than a big bird in gym class. Mix that with the bacteria having a rave on your skin, and voila! You have a foot stink party in full swing.
The Usual Suspects That Cause That Lovely Stench!
Sweaty Feet or technicaly “Hyperhidrosis”
Bacteria and Fungus : Those little lovelies thrive in warm, moist environments—like the inside of your favorite shoes. They feast on your sweat, break it down, and release foul-smelling waste. Sorted, respect is due to their workmanship.
Poor Hygiene : Let’s be honest, skipping a shower here and there isn’t the crime of the century, but your feet might disagree, and so might the wife…us blokes..ahhh we can take or leave it!
Shoes and Socks : Synthetic materials trap moisture and create the perfect sauna for your feet. And trust me, your feet are not benefiting from this spa treatment and I don’t think Clinique will be adding it to there pampering experience any time soon.
What can we do?
Wash, Rinse, Repeat : Start with good old-fashioned soap and water. Give your feet a proper scrub daily and make sure to dry them thoroughly using your girlfriends best fluffy towel. Moist feet are happy places for bacteria, sort of like a nice cosy pub on a Friday night.
Foot Powder : Think of this as a talcum barrier between your feet and the bacterial invaders. It keeps things dry and smells fresh. Bonus points if you can find one that makes your feet feel like tip toeing through floral fields rather than a pig farm.
Breathe, Feet, Breathe : Opt for breathable shoes and natural fiber socks. Just don’t wear Sandals or Flip-Flops unless you are live in a hot Asian country or are on holiday somewhere and nobody knows you. Leather and cotton are your new best friends. Let your shoes air out between wears and consider alternating pairs to give them a break…Hell, you could push the boat out and buy yourself a few pairs of different shoes…proper posh style.
Soaks and Home Remedies : If you’re into kitchen chemistry, Epsom salt soaks can help. Soak your feet for about 15 minutes in a mix of one part Epsom salt to lots of splashes of water. Epsom salts can also be used direct in the shoes or socks to help reduce sweat and odor. … basically Epsom salts are a bit of a party killer for the raving bacteria.
Antiperspirants : They’re not just for your underarms anymore. Special foot antiperspirants can reduce sweating and keep stinks at bay. Try not to breath in while spraying your hoofs, your lungs are more important than cheesy feet after all is said and done.
Consult a Professional : If things are really out of hand, it might be time to see a podiatrist rather than post up questions on Facebook. Sometimes, medical conditions like fungal infections need more than a DIY approach or Youtube remedies, although us blokes know this really is a last resort.
A Final Footnote : Clean your paws more often, wear sensible shoes and socks, use talc … go and reap all the benefits of not smelling like a farm animal thats been standing in a vinegar factory!
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